Vampires

Dear Diary,

Vampires fascinate me. There is something mesmerizing about them. I am awestruck by them. The awe strikes me every time I think about them, or read about them, or watch a movie about them.

I want to be one.

But I don't know how. I've heard that you can become a vampire after getting bit by one. But I don't know where they hang out.

One night, while walking home, I saw a group of Gothic looking people outside a bar. Believing them to be vampires, I walked pretty close by them, hoping one of them will bite me. But nobody approached me. I turned around and walked by them again. No one seemed interested. Never one to give up, I once again turned around and started walking in their direction. But found them gone. Feeling dejected, I came back home.

Another night I saw my neighbor's cat looking at me while I was opening my apartment door. The cat had a vampirish glow about it. A thought ran in my mind.. maybe the cat was a vampire posing as a cat to catch preys. Barely containing my excitement, I stared back. I stood there trying to use my psychic powers to persuade it to come and bite me. When that wasn't working, I pointed to my neck making yummy noises. The cat turned around and went inside. I locked the door and went to bed. I've noticed the cat has been avoiding me since that night.

But just think how my life would be if I was a vampire..

If I was a vampire, I wont age. So while people I know will grow old and shrivel up like a date in front of me, I'll stay young forever. I will never get sick. I'll have smooth skin, no zits. Sexual magnetism will emanate from me in every direction at a radius of approximatey 48 feet. In a traffic jam, I can turn into a bat and fly to my destination, so I will never be late.

I'll be able to travel through time so I can have breakfast in regency era England, lunch in medieval Greece, and dinner in present day Paris. This way I can also steal art pieces from people's houses in the 15th and 16th century and sell it off in today's market for millions. so I'll never be poor.

I wont need to cook. People can slave in front of the stove for hours to prepare a meal and eat it, and I'll just suck it out of them through their blood. How awesome would that be?

People say vampires are cursed. What curse? So I wont be able to come out in the sunlight. Who cares? If I am missing the sun so much, I can sit in front of a halogen bulb for a while.

So I wont be able to have children. So what? I can adopt some. And if the children misbehave, I can show them my fangs. My children will be very obedient.

So I wont be liked by the holy people. Big deal. I will eat the holy people.

The advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

Although I have failed to catch a vampire's attention until now, I will not give up. I will keep trying. Because let's face it.. vampires, dear diary, are hot.